It’s not you!
Feel like a target at times?
One of my children, when aged 8, was teary at bedtime, upset by playground politics.
🛏 Why is it always bedtime when their bottom lip wobbles – when, as a parent, you’re dead on your feet?
👂 You need them to nod off so you can get on with something exciting (such as the dishes!) but, pulling on your super-parent pants, you listen to a lengthy version of ‘He-said She-said’ …
Then I heard myself utter ‘Unkindness is someone unhappy on the inside’ AND ‘..It’s not about you!’
Where on earth did that come from? And why did it only occur to me approaching ‘midlife’?!!
👣 It’s amazing how we can find clarity for others, isn’t it?! Just being that step back.
We can take a ‘step back’ when we’re feeling less the target.
Here’s the thing …seeing the source of an ‘attack’ as someone’s own suffering, we can feel less targeted and more capable.
🧡 Capable of deeper listening, greater empathy, appreciation and tolerance.
🧡 Capable of kindness.
🧡 Capable of handling situations.
I say ‘It’s not about you!’ a lot, when clients describe difficult conversations, worrying about tricky scenarios.
👉 It elicits kinder thinking. It saves energy.
💡 The motives of others have less to do with us than we think.
Us thinking about them (rather than about ourselves) can turn confusion into kindness.
🧡 Kindness feels good. Happy World Kindness Day!
P.S. Swapping my super-parent pants for conversation coaching, workshops and speaking, if you/your team are navigating politics, or need kindness in conversations ask me about team sessions, 1:1 or your upcoming conference.
“Clare does not cut and paste like many providers do; she is very knowledgeable and able to adjust content suites to her audience and detect if something isn’t landing.
I really like how Clare ensures she adjusts to an organisations culture, threading in values, performance management approaches and other people activities that are relevant to an organisation.”